Tooth Ache

Keep on dreaming little child. She was not here. 2 minutes to midnight and he is driving like crazy. Be careful this old lady does not have to die. The north wind will carry him to his wound. The eastern wind will engrave the dagger deeper in his being. Scream as did the guitar and cry. Nobody will know. He has changed his tears into thorns that he engraves in his heart and bleeds in silence. He puts the gear into reverse and breaks the bumper. Turns off the car. Shuts the door. Forgets the key inside; no problem. There she is shining like ever but for someone else.

His toothache grew deeper and he felt like fainting. But no one would understand that. They will think that what he saw affected him. Did it?

He poured a cup of coffee and lit his cigarette. This enhanced his dizziness. No one noticed because that is the way he is usually. The amount of drugs that he took every day could not stay unnoticeable. But he was not impotent. Damn! This will disappoint a lot of good-intentioned assholes.

His toothache was devastating. He took the red pill and swallowed it with a shot of tequila. Ten minutes later he was elsewhere. This was the way he used to feel when he was normal. He did not like the fact that he was stoned, but that feeling of belonging to another world suited him fine because, at least in this total loss of consciousness, this nowhere had the opposite meaning of where he really existed. He was missing what he had. No matter what it was, it has left a hole inside his being.

He drowned a piece of cotton in some whisky and placed it on his tooth. And when the numbness took over, he kind of sterilized an old knife and disregarding the pain he snatched his tooth right off his gum. Ouch! That hurts. What a stupid thing to do. But…

It seemed that he was meant to hurt all his life. Why? He dared not ask.

Why? A serious yet stupid question. He will not get his answer unless he dies. And that is what he is suddenly afraid of. He used to consider death as a relief. Life was a big riddle to him. He did not know how he existed. He did not know how he was conceived, just because he never saw his parents making love. Did they ever? Who knows? Then where this debt came from? Why should he endure the ransom? What sort of crime is he assuming? Why dear god why?

The answer remains in silence.
The answer remains a question.
The answer lies elsewhere.
The answer he has to live.
The answer he has to search for.
The answer he has to run away from.
The answer he has to dream of in his sleepless nights.